“For Whom The Bell Tolls” or “And Now A Salvatore Car Gets Wrecked.”

Episode 5×4, “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” Is this a play on the John Donne or the Ernest Hemingway? Either way, somebody’s dying. That, or maybe we’ll get a war flashback.

“Yup, my parents died there with me in the back seat. Then I died there the next year. Oh yeah, plus you almost killed me there on purpose last year after forcing your blood down my throat. Anyway, the music says this scene is romantic so do you wanna make out?”

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Cold Open

• And diaries are relevant yet again! Whoot! (not that I love the diaries on this show, I’m just a fan of titles making sense).
• “You are a vampire, not a caveman.”—Damon. I don’t know why, Damon’s fastidiousness about prohibiting Stefan from littering during their casual discussion of his mass murders is really cute.  He’s always been houseproud, who knew he was road proud as well.
• Vampire Diaries trope: car crash! This time Damon’s car (damn, I’ll miss that pretty car, and it’s outlived most of the humans on this show).
• “I get it, you’re the fun brother.” Aw, I like when the writers allow Paul Wesley to smile.

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Everything up until the first commercial break.

• Is that bell story true? Not that it couldn’t be, it’s just that I know a different origin story for bell strings at grave sites.
• Amnesia Stefan is so cute.
• Vampire Diaries trope: back room of the Mystic Grill only exists for people to get attacked in.

“American Gothic” or “Elijah Can’t Recognize The Woman He Loves By Kissing Her, Only By Her Jewelry.”

Episode 4×18, “American Gothic.” This is a style of architecture, yes? But this is The Vampire Diaries, so no matter what the plot is, it’s a good play on words.

All three of these women have slept with both Salvatores.

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Cold Open

• Oh, road trip arguments. They sound like sisters.

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Everything up until the first commercial break.

• Amnesia girl is a good actress.
• And now the brothers snark on each other. This is some nice echoing.
• Heh, totally thought someone was groping Klaus until the camera pulled back.
• Okay, so Caroline never even went to Magic Island or came in contact with Silas!Shane, and he can mimic her. And it can’t be like the last seasons of Buffy/Lost, where the shapeshifter could do any dead person, because Shane was still alive when Silas got started. So can he really be anybody? I’m just trying to figure out the rhyme and reason.
• Okay, Rebekelena can stay.

Episode 1×12: Unpleasantville: roundup

The Big Deal:  The Decades Dance

Time Marches On…: “Unpleasantville” covers 2 days and 3 nights.

• begins the night that “Bloodlines” ended.
• ends 20 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  1

• Runner Up:  Jeremy ordered a pizza, Noah delivered a pizza, and no acne-ridden teen showed up with a second pizza after the fact.  So…where exactly did Noah acquire his pizza?  I would deeply love to say that Noah ate the pizza guy because that’s funny, but sadly, the show neither confirms nor denies said noms.  It would also be hilarious if Noah actually worked as a pizza boy, coincidentally, in order to make ends meet.
• Noah is staked by Stefan.

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts: 2

• Noah attempts to kill Elena in her home.
• Noah attempts to kill Elena at the Decades Dance.

Actual References to Diaries: 8

• Damon looks for his dad’s journal in the family book collection.
• Alaric asks Jeremy to read his primary source, Jonathan Gilbert’s journal (aka “porn for a history teacher”).  Jeremy gives it to him.
• Stefan gives Damon their dad’s old journal.
• Anna asks to borrow Jeremy’s ancestor’s journal, but he already gave it to Alaric.  This upsets her.
• Anna reminds Noah that she’s trying to get the journal (“sticking to the plan”).
• Noah tells the Salvatores that you need the grimoire to get in the tomb, and that Jonathan Gilbert’s journal might give the location.
• Stefan figures out (out loud) that Damon’s looking through their dad’s journal to find Emily’s grimoire.
• Ben asks Anna if she got the journal.

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 0

Compulsions used: 0

• (foiled) Damon compels/interrogates Alaric, but Alaric has vervain.

Vampires Going into Vampface: 5 1/2

• Noah when he’s at Elena’s house just before the dance.
• Anna’s veiny eyes (halfway) flair up when talking to Jeremy, because discussions of diaries get her hot.
• Noah, when he’s about to bite Elena in the cafeteria (oddly, his vamp face goes away when she stabs him a bunch; as a predator you’d think that’s when the fangs would really start flashing).
• Noah, when he’s about to bite Elena just as Stefan arrives to stop him.
• Anna, as she stalks Ben leaving the Grill at closing time.  (fakeout!)
• Ben when he flings Anna against the wall.  (fakeout! again)

Shirtless Moments: 0

Episode 1×11: Bloodlines: roundup

The Big Deal: Road Trip to Georgia

Time Marches On…: “Bloodlines” covers 2 days and 2 nights.

• begins the same night that “The Turning Point” ended on.
• ends 18 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  1

• Bree’s heart is torn out by Damon.

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts: 2

• unknown supernatural being gets chased away by Damon before he can kill Elena in her car.
• Lee’s about to set Damon on fire but Elena talks him out of it

Actual References to Diaries: 4

• Alaric writes in computer diary (voice over).
• Jeremy tells Alaric he found a family journal from the eighteen hundreds.
• Anna tells Jeremy that her great-grandpa showed her a journal of an ancestor who wrote about vampires.
• Bree tells Damon the reversal spell for the tomb can be found in Emily’s grimoire.

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 1

• In Alaric’s flashback, he sees Damon drink Isobel’s blood.

Compulsions used: 0

Vampires Going into Vampface: 3

• Lee goes into vamp face when Elena first tries to stop him from dumping gasoline on Damon.
• Lee, when deciding to spare Damon, still lifts Damon and tosses him far away.
• Damon when he’s feeding on Isobel in the flashback.

Shirtless Moments: 0

Episode 1×10: The Turning Point: roundup

The Big Deal: MFHS Career Fair

Time Marches On…: “The Turning Point” covers 1 day and 2 nights.

• begins the same night that “History Repeating” ended on.
• ends 16 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  9

• Logan “Scum” Fell kills Daphne
• Logan has killed a pile of people, mostly hotel staff…I can’t tell the number by looking and no online wiki’s are helping so I’m just going to guess 7
• Alaric kills Logan

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts: 2

• Logan plans to turn Caroline; Stefan (and Damon) rescue her.
• Logan goes to kill Alaric, Alaric saves himself.

Actual References to Diaries: 4

• (as voiceover) Jeremy reads from Jonathan Gilbert’s diary
• Jeremy tells Aunt Jenna he found Jonathan Gilbert’s journal in his dad’s old stuff
• Logan refers to journals that the founding fathers passed down to their kids, and that the Council looks through for clues.
• Elena tells Stefan she got her first journal from her mom, and it made her want to be a writer.

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 1

• Logan drinks Daphne’s blood

Compulsions used: 2

• (implied) Damon has Caroline use the vampire compass to seek out the new vamp
• Damon compels Caroline to get in her car and forget she used the compass

Vampires Going into Vampface: 3

• Logan, just before he bites Daphne
• Stefan, when kissing Elena he just can’t help it.
• Logan, just before he attacks Alaric

Shirtless Moments: 6

• 21 m 10 s:  Damon bullet wound
• 33 m 30 s: Stefan and Elena-sexy shirtless
• 36 m 40 s: Stefan and Elena-post-coital shirtless
• 38 m 30 s: Stefan returns with beverage, sees picture and abandoned necklace

Episode 1×9: History Repeating: roundup

The Big Deal: Sleepover/seance at Elena’s house

Time Marches On…: “History Repeating” covers 1 day and 1 night.

• begins the same morning that “162 Candles” ended on.
• ends 15 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths: 0

• runner up (?) Emily Bennett.  She was already dead, reappeared for a short while, than went back to being dead, all while never actually being resurrected or killed, so…[helpless handwave away].

Number of Un-Deaths: 1?

• Logan is back from the dead, but we didn’t see it happen and presumably it would have happened while “Haunted” was going on.  But we don’t know for sure, we only know that we get the confirmation here so…here’s where it’s listed.

Number of Foiled Death Attempts: 1

• Damon tries to kill Bonnie, Stefan pulls him off.

Actual References to Diaries: 3

• Jenna says Jeremy can use the Gilbert journals for his paper.
• Jeremy finds a box with Jonathan’s 1864 journal.
• Stefan stares down at his blank diary, throws it on his bed.

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 2

• Damon bites into Bonnie’s neck, almost to death.
• Bonnie drinks Stefan’s blood.

Compulsions used: 0

Vampires Going into Vampface: 1

• After Emily-as-Bonnie destroys the crystal, Damon rushes her in full gameface.

Shirtless Moments: 1

• 4 min 50 s in.  Stefan wakes up in bed, shirtless, and sits up sit-up style so you can see every one of his rippling abdominal muscles.  And then he’s shirtless for like…the whole scene.  I’m not even that into Paul Wesley but if they could invent a 200-second gif for this it would be most appreciated.

Episode 1×8: 162 Candles: roundup

The Big Deal:  Stefan’s birthday party at the Mystic Grill

Time Marches On…: “162 Candles” covers 2 days and 2 nights.

• begins the same night that “Haunted” ended on.
• ends 15 days after Day One.
• This episode confirms that Stefan was born the day after Halloween.  (see notes for explanation).
• given that Stefan staked Vicki only 24 hours earlier, you’d think that Elena would be more weirded out to see him laughing, drinking and playing pool.

Number of Deaths:  2

• Boy in ally is eaten by Damon.
• Lexi is staked by Damon

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts:  1

• the Council tries to kill Lexie

Actual References to Diaries: 0

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 2

• Lexi drinks her phlebotomist-supplied blood with a straw likes it’s a Hawaiian punch.  Very cute…
• Damon drinks/kills the boy in the ally.

Compulsions used: 3

• Damon compels Caroline to throw a party for Stefan.
• [off-screen] Damon compels girl in ally to point Lexi out to the Sheriff.
• Lexi compels bartender to give three shots of tequila (with no carding) for free.

Vampires Going into Vampface: 3

• Lexi, when she playfully pounces on Stefan.
• Damon, when he pounces on couple in allyway.
• Lexi, as she breaks away from the police.
• (oddly, no vamp faces when Stefan and Damon are fighting to the death).

Shirtless Moments: 1

• 17m 33s in, post-shower Stefan.
• Honorable mention:  Lexi wears a towel.

Episode 1×7: Haunted: roundup

The Big Deal:  Halloween Carnival at the school.

Time Marches On…: “Haunted” covers 1 day and 2 nights.

• begins the same night that “Lost Girls” ended on.
• ends 13 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  1

• Vicki is staked by Stefan

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts:  5

• Vicki almost eats Tyler until Stefan stops her.
• Vicki tries to eat Elena until Stefan stops her.
• Vicki almost eats Jeremy but Elena stops her.
• Vicki almost kills Elena but Stefan stops her.
• Vicki almost kills Elena again but Stefan kills her.

Actual References to Diaries: 0

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 3

• Vicki drinks animal blood from a glass.
• Vicki nips Jeremy’s mouth while kissing him, licks his blood from her fingers, than licks the remaining dripping blood from his lips.
• Vicki drinks from Elena just before Stefan kills her.

Compulsions used: 2

• Damon compels Tyler to forget what he saw re: Vicki, and that the trio weren’t there.
• Damon tries to compel Carol Lockwood for info, fails due to vervain.
• (Off-screeen)  Damon compels Jeremy to forget that Vicki died and also to not worry about her, because things are for the best.

Vampires Going into Vampface: 2

• Vicki leaps out of the car to bite Tyler in full vamp face.
• Vicki, when she kisses Jeremy and attacks Elena.

Shirtless Moments: 1 (with an honorable mention)

• 20 m, 47 s: Tyler wears a red cape that covers nothing.
• Honorable mention:  Caroline’s witch costume comes with a corset (though it’s not very revealing or sexy).

Episode 1×6: Lost Girls: roundup

The Big Deal:  There is no big deal this week (I know!).

Time Marches On…: “Lost Girls” covers 1 day and 2 nights.

• begins the same night that “You’re Undead To Me” ended on.
• ends 12 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  5

• 3 graveyard-stoner friends are eaten by Damon.
• Vicki’s neck is snapped by Damon.
• Logan Fell is eaten by Damon.

Number of Un-Deaths: 1

• Vicki is vamped.

Number of Foiled Death Attempts: 1

• Logan shoots and almost stakes Stefan; Damon stops him.

Actual References to Diaries: 2

• Elena opens with voiceover/entry, but it’s basically a recording of last’s week.
• Elena’s pen poised over diary, doesn’t write

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 7

• Damon drinks from dead stoner.
• Damon feeds Vicki his blood.
• Damon and Vicki feed each other…so, a two-fer.
• 1864 Katherine drinks 1864 Stefan’s blood.
• Damon drinks Logan’s blood.
• Vicki drinks Logan’s blood.

Compulsions used: 4

• Damon explains to Vicki that when she drank his blood, she loved it.
• Katherine compels Stefan to love her in spite of her being a vampire.
• [alluded to] 1864 Katherine compelled Stefan and Damon not to know or speak about the others’ liaison with her (if she was compelling them anyway, and her goal was for all three to be together forever, why didn’t she just start then?)

Vampires Going into Vampface: 1

• 1864 Katherine, when she drank from 1864 Stefan, in bed together.

Shirtless Moments: 2 (with 3 honorable mentions)

• 18 m, 30 s shirtless 1864 Stefan makes out with a Katherine in bloomers.

• 22 m, 8 s Damon dances around with Vicki with unbuttoned, gaping black shirt, which is so glorious it requires a shirtless gif.

I have to respect the criteria of the award, which is shirtlessness, but really…

• Honorable mention:  1864 Katherine wears her old-fashioned underwear while sexing it up.
• Honorable mention:  1864 Katherine gets tied into a corset while hanging off a bedpost.
• Honorable mention:  Vicki dances around in nothing but a tight shirt and trim underwear, up to and including writhing on the floor, and somehow fails to qualify.

Episode 1×5: You’re Undead To Me: roundup

The Big Deal: Sexy Suds Carwash.

Time Marches On…: “You’re Undead To Me” covers 2 days and 2 nights.

• skips 3 days after the events of “Family Ties,” begins in the morning.
• ends 11 days after Day One.

Number of Deaths:  2

• Uncle Zach’s neck is snapped by Damon
• Damon’s crow (who would eat their own familiar?)

Number of Un-Deaths: 0

Number of Foiled Death Attempts:  3

• Damon tries to strangle Zach through the cellar bars; Stefan stops him
• Damon tries to kill Caroline but she runs away
• Damon tries to kill Vicki (next episode we find out she lived through it)

Actual References to Diaries: 4

• Elena is poised to journal while in bed, but then decides not to.
• Elena tells Aunt Jenna why she didn’t bother writing in her diary.
• Narration/Elena reads twice.

Blood Drunk Onscreen: 1

• Damon drinks Vicki’s blood.

Compulsions used: 0

• Honorable mention:  The mythology is never explained, but Damon uses vampiric astral projection to influence Caroline all the way across town.

Vampires Going into Vampface: 1

• Stefan, when Elena cuts herself in the kitchen And Stefan touches/smells/looks at the blood.
• –Somehow, starving Damon drinks from Vicki without going into vampface (is this b/c his partial desiccation prevents his having enough blood to flow to his face?)

Shirtless Moments: 0

• Honorable mention:  People are dressed sexily for the Sexy Suds Carwash.